In December I started having small panic attacks, and thought I was just worried about travelling back to Kent to meet Adam's friends at a wedding in a place I'd never been to before... Most people will know I hate travelling, I'm a bit of a control freak and travelling means things outside of my control.
It all went well, obviously, and I thought that would be it.
Well, when we went on holiday in February it started up again, less panicky, but still little ones. We got engaged which was the best day of my life so far, then I got a cold and things haven't been great since.
I feel tired, but I can't sleep properly. My whole body aches. I constantly feel sick, and I'm struggling to eat anything. I have IBS symptoms again.
But mostly I just feel numb. I mean, seriously, I just got engaged and we've booked the registry office and the reception, and I'm kinda oh alright about it now. I was so excited at the time, but now... Meh.
I was very brave and went to the doctor on Thursday. She made me fill out a quiz type thing and I have mild depression and moderate anxiety (scores of 9 and 14). Well, I knew that already! I'm going for a butt load of blood tests on Tuesday.
I'm really hoping its just my vitamin D dipped again. I can't understand how it could really, after the massive mega dose I was on a couple of years ago, but maybe my maintanence isn't enough and I've used up my reserves. Or my B12 isn't absorbing properly and I'll need injections forever.
Those things I can handle! But I'm very much a person who looks on the bad side and I constantly worry that its something more...
I feel sorry for Adam the most. I have no energy outside of work, and he's doing all the household stuff. He's even encouraging me to take showers and helping me wash my hair and stuff. He's the most amazing guy ever, he told me that no matter what happens he is here for me, and he loves me and will do whatever it takes to get me better. Even if it means closing my shop.
Oh the plus side! I've lost 6lbs and my blood pressure and pulse are perfect :P