I've had a lot of new beginnings recently, starting about three and a half years ago when my relationship of five and a half years ended suddently, abruptly without any sign. We'd been bimbling along quite happily, and then one day it was just over.
I've realised my ex was actually quite controlling, he didn't let me have any say in the running of the household. Can you believe I was 28 when I paid my first bill?! He was quite "old fashioned". He earnt the major money, he paid for everything. I had quite a cushy life, my birthday being close to Christmas I'd write a joint Birthday/Christmas list and he'd get me everything on it for my birthday. Yes, he spoilt me rotten with gifts, but withheld his love. I had a hug and a kiss quota, we didn't snuggle on the sofa, and I won't mention anything more personal... I loved him so much and just wanted to make him happy so I dealt with it, explaining it to myself as he's really stressed at work, he likes to be alone, I'm fairly certain he has autistic tendacies...
So after that ended, I had to begin again. Find out who I really was, what I really wanted from life. Your early twenties are quite formative years, and I'd spent them with him. I had to begin to enjoy my own company completely, sure I was used to being on my own in the living room whilst he was in his "office", but if I wanted a chat I just walked to the next room. It was really difficult, but I made friends with Little Laura just before the break up, and she spent as much time as she could with me, and then afterwards Other Laura arrived in our lives, and I spent a lot of time with her too.
Six months later I was being kicked out of my very first flat (apart from student accomodation at uni, this was the first time I'd lived alone), and trying to find somewhere new to live with just a part time job of 14 hours a week. Around here rent for a one bed flat is upwards of £495 a month. I was placed on the housing register, but until I was actually homeless I was only a "gold", not "platinum" which would get me a house right away. Oh, and because I hadn't worked for two years after being made redundant, I had no national insurance to get me any benefits. Fun!
Other Laura and I started to look for somewhere we could possibly rent together, but we had no luck. Just two weeks before the end of my tenancy, the estate agents found me my current flat, negotiated an incredibly good rent, and I moved in.
Another new beginning! A new flat, and then a new job in the sustainable supermarket (where I'm working again now), and I loved it. The ex then moved to Australia, so I didn't have to worry about seeing him in town, and I started to move on with the love life.
And wow, trying to date again! As I'm not from the area, and neither are the Lauras, I wasn't able to be set up with friends of friends, or someone at work. I signed up to a couple of dating websites... That is definitely a minefield of crazy! The first guy I started talking to would have been perfect if I hadn't found out he'd been lying about various things (he said if he'd told me he had a daughter I'd never of gone out with him in the first place. Possibly true, but she was practically a teenager so I'd have considered it!). Others just pawed at me as soon as they possibly could. Some didn't look anything like their pictures when we met, or we just had nothing to talk about.
Throughout all of this though, Adam was always in the background. He and his girlfriend had broken up just before my break up (my ex and Adam's ex were together years ago, she insisted we all met up when they holidayed in Bath - most awkward evening ever - but Adam and I stayed in touch). For us, the beginning was supporting each other through our heartbreak, and forming a friendship. We would text (him more than me, coz I'm pretty bad at texting haha), we had a marathon Skype session of 12 hours, we even spent a Valentines evening together on Facetime as neither of us had dates. I tried to push it out of my mind that I liked him - he's 5 years younger than me, he's my ex's ex and thats icky... But I began to look forward to his texts in the evenings, or 4am in the morning when I couldn't get back to sleep and he just couldn't sleep (he used to exist on about 15 minutes of sleep a night until he'd crash once a week and sleep for almost a day at a time, with me he gets about 5-6 hours now).
We agreed he'd come to visit me on holiday, and we joked that we'd hook up and make like bunnies, but always said no, that could never happen coz we're such good friends. I got so excited that he was coming to visit, I'd tell all my friends and said we must all get together so you can meet! Apparently they all knew from this that I liked him!
And I guess you know what happened, since we're now engaged and all!
Thats already lots of new beginnings, and that wasn't even the end! I became a yarn shop owner, sharing retail space with another store. That didn't work out so I had to begin again in another space. Adsm and I moved in together and he began a new life 130 miles away from his previous life, and that was quite a learning curve after me being alone for 2 years.
Now we begin again, looking towards this next adventure, whatever and whenever it appears!
Sorry if this is really long, but its nice to write it all out and see how far I've come from the pampered, spoilt little girl I was with my ex!